Hippety Hopper

We live in the middle of nowhere. We don't have any chains in our entire county. We live in the only town in the county. It doesn't even have a gas station. It's bad. If you need a half gallon of milk, save up your pennies, it's $8.50. In the middle of nowhere, we rent an old farmhouse. It's beautiful, but in dire need of some repairs. Oh and our landlord doesn't share our sentiments.

List of problems in the past 13 months:

1. Stinkbugs (TONS - just ask my husband, Perry)



2. Basement flooding (too many times to count at this point)



3. Pipes leaking (too many times to count)



4. Ridiculous heating bills ($700 for one freaking month)

5. Mice (I believe we're up to 10)

Wellllllllll... I'm about to add another to the list. I noticed some rather shocking piles of mouse poo in the basement a few days ago. I told Perry that we need to investigate and set some traps because we have a lot of irreplaceable things in the basement and mice are very destructive. And I mean, no one likes living in an infested home. At least I don't.

So last night we went down to start cleaning up and I noticed quite a bit of destruction. Luckily the invaluable things were saved. In moving and investigating, I noticed a giant hole in an old box. I saw a clumb of gray, but I couldn't tell what it was. Until it took a breath. It was huge; bigger than a flipping softball. At this point I'm thinking that this mouse is seriously obese and more comfortable in our house than we are, or we have a bigger problem than a mouse. I pointed out the culprit and hightailed it to a safe area, aka the top of the steps.

I heard a lot of cussing and a lot of banging around for a few seconds, and then my husband told me the coast was clear. I took that to mean the mouse (or fur-invader) was dead. One thing to know when dealing with men is assume nothing. I got downstairs and he then informed me that he wasn't dead, just in the wall now. Awesome. I asked him how big the mouse (or furry death) was after he saw him at full potential. He said it was definitely a mouse and about 10 inches long. Wtf. That is NOT a mouse. That is either a rat, or a baby kangaroo.

So at this very moment, the rat is probably eating my dogs and curling up in our nice warm bed. And I'm dying laughing at this video. Clearly I am the bulldog.
My conclusions:

Cute.

Cutest.

Another Gross Post

Maybe this should be my thing instead of posting cute crap... Huh.

It's been announced that there will be a show about the hideous Courtney Stodden.

Just in case you were living under a rock, here are the deets:

1. She's 17.



2. Her husband is wayyyy too old.



3. Her parents are her pimps.



4. She was apparently a virgin until she met him and she's proud of that.



5. She loves Jesus.

For the record, I feel like being a virgin at the ripe old age of 16 is not necessarily something to put in the 'life acheivements' column. Winning your high school track competition, getting a B+ on your pottery in art class, or even volunteering for 5 hours a month in your junior year are all things that you could probably put in that column. Being a virgin? Eh, no. Not an accomplishment. I know plenty of people that have made it into their midtwenties just for lack of opportunity. Get real, C-Stodds.

On a positive note, this is another thing I'm sure I'll be watching. I'm going to be yelling at the TV the whole time at her stroke-like mannerisms, but I'll watch. It's like a train wreck, you don't want to see the appalling details, but you can't look away.

Dancing Octopus?

Let me preface this post by saying that I do not believe this happens in most countries. I'm fairly positive this is a very rare thing and mostly found in Asian countries. That being said, please continue to eat NORMAL sushi. It's delish and unoffensive. And not very cute. Pretty, but not cute.

THIS, however...

Now, from what the description says, this poor poor creature is already dead. But why in God's name would you want to do anything to make it mimic life again? Has anyone else see "A Christmas Story" where the Christmas duck comes out with his head and the mother screams? The duck was not moving, quacking, and it was absolutely not dancing. And yet she finds it disturbing. Given this knowledge about the human brain and its interworkings, whyyyy oh whyyy would a chef put this on the menu? Now if the octopus was alive and swimming around in a tank with Nemo, I'd think it was adorable and I'd be popping some popcorn to enjoy the show. But never would I ever think - "Man, I'd really love to chop him up and eat him now! While looking into his eyes AKA SOUL!"* My conclusion - I cannot go to Asia. Not with things like this lurking around the corner. I will stick to Taco Bell. Yes, it's horrible for you, and probably gets an F with the health department a shocking amount of time, but nothing has a face in that beautiful restaurant. Nothing. Perfection.

*And yes, I believe all cute animals have souls. Bugs and bats not included, no matter how cute you might think they are. They are purely functional on this earth as far as I'm concerned. And no, I do not need convincing of otherwise.

So flipping cute.

I found these pictures today labeled "to lighten your mood". I have to agree. It's FRIIIIIDAY people! Tomorrow is Oktoberfest! AND I have a 3 day weekend to heighten my FeelGoods.


PS - I effing hate uploading pictures on Blogger. Either I have a mental disability preventing me from learning from mistakes, or this thing is hard as ish. Anyways, I hope you enjoyed. :)

Almond Butter / Dieting

Oh. My. God.

Almond butter is by far one of the best/worst inventions. Why?

Pros:

• Nice clean taste



• Healthy



• Easy in theory

Cons:

• You have to stir this ish every day



• If you don't stir it, it takes a good 15 minutes and a microwave to undo the damage



• The texture makes me gag a little (instadrymouth)

I've also decided that if it weren't for tastebuds, I would love to be vegan. One of my friends didn't realize this included ALL animal products so that means no baked goods and pretty much nothing tasty. No cheese? Impossible. No ICE CREAM? I think I'd rather be chubs.

But, let's give it a fair chance. So far today I've had chocolate milk and this ridiculous almond butter. I've set myself up to do okay in the vegetarian world. Maybe tomorrow I'll do vegan... This is going to take some planning. I'll post the results.

On a side note, I'm still gaggish from this almond butter.

It's Awfully Cold Already...

Last night I had two blankets wrapped around me while watching the abomination that is Bachelorpad. I'll be honest, it wasn't that our house was that cold. I just chose to remain in my favorite seat. Which happens to be in front of a window.

In light of this closed-toe shoe weather, I've decided it's time for comfort food.

Like I haven't been eating it all summer.

While I type, I have carrots, celery, potatoes, onions, and beef stewing on my kitchen table. I feel like it may be animal abuse to have dogs in that same kitchen smelling my beefy deliciousness all day. What'll be animal abuse is what happens after they knock it over and eat it before I get home.

My simple recipe:

1 lb stew beef

2 carrots, peeled and chopped

2 stalks of celery, chopped

2 medium Yukon gold potatoes, washed and cut into 1" cubes

1 sweet onion

1 package Beef Onion Lipton Soup mix

1 C water

Put all veggies in crock pot. Place meat on top. Combine soup & water. Pour over top. Set on low and cook 8-10 hours. Dump into a HUGE bowl, get some fresh biscuits or yeast rolls nice and toasty, and shove your face full of happiness.

In other news, I hate ticks and stinkbugs. Are there any states/countries without bug infestations? I'm open to anything at this point. Except Greenland. I've caught wind of the lack of Targets situation up there. I do not approve.

Inspired to Start Something

...and now I'm humming Michael Jackson. Better than Ludacris I suppose.

I'm inspired to start writing to no one in particular. I had a fantastic weekend with amazing friends. I was also devastated by news from home. Rest soundly, G. You and your family made my childhood a beautiful memory. I know for a fact that wings have never fit so well on an angel.

Now I'll let you in on my intent. I'm good at nothing but randomness. However, I dabble heavily in cute things, and eating. I refuse to combine the two. Thus the name.

Things you should know before proceeding:

1. I don't take myself seriously.

2. I do take food seriously.

3. I take cute-ness VERY seriously.

4. If I think it's cute, it can't be food. End of story.*

*Not really end of story. Cute = anything animated. Aka not sugar cookies, broccoli, and star fruit.**

**Also, I now know to upload pictures prior to writing the post. What. A. Nightmare.